


The Curious Case of Tommy Oiseau

by SkazuhiraMiller



Series: You Know I Had To Do It To 'Em [4]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Birds, F/M, M/M, big boss is kinda adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 21:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16272638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkazuhiraMiller/pseuds/SkazuhiraMiller
Summary: One of Cecile's birds has gone missing. It's up to Commander Miller to save the day, with the help of a very hungover Big Boss.





	The Curious Case of Tommy Oiseau

**Author's Note:**

> Done for a ficlet challenge, i was given "BBKaz" and "I think I made a mistake" by my good buddy Lia!
> 
> listen, i had to put the bird's full name in the title or no one would get it. Oh hai, Kaz :)

A shadow fell across Kaz’s desk, blocking his light. He looked up. 

“Boss? If it’s not urgent, do you think it could wait? I just got back this morning from closing the deal with the Colombians and need to file all this shit.” He gestured to the tall but neat stack of paperwork in front of him. 

Big Boss’s eye was distant. “It’s urgent.” 

Kaz took a long sip of his coffee. He was gonna need about four more cups to handle whatever this was. It was already bad enough that he’d been immediately accosted by Cecile when he arrived. 

“ _ Monsieur Miller _ ,” she’d said, between dramatic sniffs, “one of my darling house finches has gone missing!” She was lucky she was so beautiful. Well, and that Chico and Paz hadn’t been far behind and handed him a hand-drawn flyer with Chico’s rendition of the missing bird. 

Kaz had given them his most convincing forced smile. “I’ll do my best to find--” he glanced at the flyer, “-- Tommy. You have my word.” 

So he already had  _ find a tiny fucking bird that may well have flown all the way to the mainland by now _ on his plate. And Snake was looking… dire. 

“Well, what is it, Boss?” 

“I think I made a mistake. Come with me.” 

Kaz followed him to his personal quarters. It was messier than Kaz remembered, and there were even more cardboard boxes that served no apparent purpose around the floor than before. 

“Here it is,” Boss grumbled. His eye got distant. “The  _ scene of the crime. _ ” 

“What are you  _ talking _ about?” 

“Well, when you were gone, Kaz…” he trailed off for a second, “last night, the guys threw the regular Friday night party and. They wanted me to drink with them, because you weren’t here and… hnrgh… I woke up in my bed this morning.” 

Instead of that pink box he sleeps in most nights. Alright. Kaz could see where he was going with this. 

“So… You did something while blackout drunk?” 

Boss nodded forlornly. Kaz followed his line of sight to the ground. Where there were about four small red feathers. Not  _ quite  _ the same shade as the Magic Marker on Chico’s poster, but… it was pretty unmistakable. 

“Boss… you… ate Cecile’s fucking  _ bird _ ?” He had to do his best to keep a totally straight face.  _ This might as well be happening. _

“I don’t remember… but… she’s been looking all over for him and- Kaz- you know- I wouldn’t do that to someone’s bird,” his voice was breaking, “A bird in the wild- that’s another story. Any creature can capture him by right but- a caged bird… Kaz, what do I  _ do? _ You always know what to do…” 

God, the poor bastard must be hungover as  _ shit _ . Kaz laid a comforting hand on his back and moved to sit on the bed. “Y’know. It could be anything that got that bird. Could’ve been that cat that Paz brought back.” 

“But… the feathers.” 

“I didn’t say it’s  _ the truth _ but,  _ it could’ve happened _ , right?” 

“Hmmrgh… I guess.” He didn’t sound very happy about it. 

They sat there in silence. Snake felt tense in Kaz’s gentle hold. God, he’d almost say the most on edge he’s seen him since the whole Strangelove thing. Over a bird. If Kaz didn’t know any better he’d say it was cute.  He needed to unwind. And not like  _ that. _ Kaz stood up and looked around for wherever he might keep his cigars and- 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Kaz exclaimed, stumbling over a pair of Snake’s combat boots and knocking over a previously overturned cardboard box. 

He heard the fluttering of wings and watched a tiny red shape dart around the room frantically. 

“Well,” he said, “guess you didn’t eat Tommy after all.” 

For someone so hungover, Snake managed to capture the bird in his hand impressively quickly. It only took about five minutes of kicking boxes around and Kaz trying his best to herd it towards him. Two grown men chasing a fucking finch around a room. Kaz was… glad he didn’t actually eat it. Didn’t violate his Jungle Honor Code bullshit or whatever. 

He beamed at Snake and said in his best radio support voice, “Great job, Boss! You secured the target!” Snake gave him a tired smile back. “Cecile’s gonna be so relieved!”  Speaking of. She owed him one for this. Maybe this would even be worth a kiss. 


End file.
